Expecting Greatness and Getting More

Finding out I was pregnant is still a day I remember vividly. Don't we all? My husband patted himself on the back for a job well done and we both eagerly started anticipating the experience of pregnancy and having our first child. And just like many new moms I started reading everything I could get my hands on - what to expect during pregnancy, what to purchase for baby and how to prepare for delivery.

I'm a bit of the extreme when it comes to list making and preparing for both the good and the bad. So, of course we did it all. Classes on every topic imaginable, baby CPR/First Aid, books, websites, forums, you name it. We did it. And we had it all worked out in our minds. And when we found it we were having a boy, our expectations got more detailed and vivid. From clothes to sports teams we had a picture painted. And it was perfect.

Yet a huge surprised lurked underneath our picture perfect vision. We didn't even see it coming with the pregnancy hiccups I endured as I grew. Nor did we see it when labor wasn't close to ANY scenario we learned about. And we didn't even detect a hint when labor was suddenly full of complications. And we didn't see it when our sweet newborn was diagnosed with dual-ear infections at two days old.

Our expectations of greatness blinded us as the first weeks passed. Despite even more ear infections, extreme sleep deprivation, a diagnosis of colic and on and on. And then it happened. And the first time we heard the word "dwarfism" we let ourselves deny what was suddenly so clear. It couldn't be. That's not what we planned for.

Our sweet dreams of "perfection" slipped away and were replaced with lists of scary complications, invasive tests, countless procedures and the reality that our son would not experience an easy life. Tears of joy became tears of defeat and sadness.

The tears flowed for a few days. Until one morning at the hospital when my husband and I sat outside to feed our baby. And for the first time, we opened our eyes and looked around. We soaked it in. Other families came and went. And it hit us. These families have reasons to cry. So many complicated struggles and true loss surrounded us. But us? What loss? There's no denying that our son's diagnosis will be the cause of many complications in life. There will be medical, social and emotional challenges. But his life will still be full. He will experience all that he wants.

Sure, we expected something other than having a child with dwarfism. But the greatness that I thought was lost, was actually replaced with something better. Something that I didn't even know existed. Something more. And I couldn't be luckier.