The Big Little Moment

Looking back at Ryan's 5th birthday is something I never expected to be happy to do. In fact, I dreaded that birthday. I wasn't upset about him leaving babyhood behind. Or that he would soon be going to Kindergarten. In fact, these are aspects I was eager to celebrate.

The 5th birthday is a big deal. And for a child with dwarfism, it's a huge milestone. Turning 5 isn't just about the new world of experiences, accomplishments and expectations. It's not Kindergarten. It's not new chores and rules. It's not about self care. Or homework. It's about the "Big Little Moment".

On Ryan's 5th birthday he was ready for his new status in life. And so was I. But was he ready for the "Big Little Moment"? For five years I thought about this moment. And I dreaded it.

What is this "Big Little Moment"? It's the moment every parent of a child with dwarfism both dreads and wishes to come. And to be over. It's the big moment when the child understands that they are little. That they are different. And that their difference is for life. It's forever.

Ever since Ryan was diagnosed I was anxious about this moment. I feared it. Will he cry? Will he hate himself? Will he be angry? Will he have confidence? Will he still want friends? Will they want him? But the questions and worry faded as we gained understanding of Ryan's condition and as we got to know our sweet adorable son. We lived one day at a time and enjoyed every second. But the "Big Little Moment" loomed. And it did so for five years.

The "Big Little Moment" can be a punch in the gut. It can knock the wind out of a kid. Shocking them senseless and ending the world as they know it. I feared this more than anything. Sure, the thought of bullies makes my blood boil. And I'm saddened knowing that he has to endure countless physical, social and emotional challenges. But none of that has to matter. What matters is Ryan. And his ability to accept. Because as long as he loves himself and has confidence, the bullies and hurdles in life are meaningless.

So to avoid this shock and devastating blow, I spoke to Ryan about his condition before he could even hold his head up. And I haven't stopped talking since. Just ask Ryan. I'm guilty of talking so much that he's constantly asking me if I'm done so that he can go back to playing. I talk about how his short stature is a trait that makes him awesome. And I point out other people's differences and we talk about how that makes them great. I'm discussing the fact that he has a lot in common with his classmates and that being smaller doesn't change that fact. We watch little people tv shows and applaud their achievements. As soon as he was able to grasp a simple concept, I came up with the phrase "Little Big". It's a simple way to remind Ryan that little people can do big things. It's also how he shares and explains his difference with new friends.

Ryan's 5th birthday wasn't just another party to plan. For Ryan turning 5 was about self love and acceptance. Not exactly the typical theme for a 5 year old's birthday party. But at five years old, he is old enough to understand that he has dwarfism. And that he will be little for his entire life. He's tasked to grasp his life-long difference AND stand proud. This is a huge job for a five year old. And it's something that I thought about for five years.

And as a result of my constant babbling, Ryan gradually gained an understanding and awareness about his dwarfism. Ask him why he's small. Go ahead! He'll tell you that he's five and that he's "Little Big". Ryan knows he is little, but he also knows that little people still grow-up and do big things. And I'm proud to say that for the most part, he's content with this. He's happy.

Of course he has moments. And they break my heart. After all, self love and acceptance can't be a constant. And what a huge concept for a kid to have to learn and grasp. He's barely 5 years old and he's been given the task of understanding a life-long diagnosis! And on top of that, he's given the challenge to like himself with his difference. How many people without a difference can say this? Don't we all struggle with self love? And yet, it's what we tell him to do. It's what he needs to do. And it's exactly what he does. And I couldn't be prouder. Ryan stands tall in every way possible. Well, every way outside of the literal definition. And you know what? He stands taller than most.