I've always been happy to embrace new stages and phases. Though bittersweet, it's always exciting and fun to see what the new age brings. Ryan's new ages and stages have allowed for some awesome experiences over the years. School became tough but so rewarding. He does presentations, uses the computer and the kid is easily better at math than I am. Trips and new places are appreciated on an entire new level. Family time is special and full of adventure. As Ryan grew older, his understanding of the world around him expanded too. We have a brand new person to share ideas and experiences with!
But this time I'm apprehensive. Ryan is entering the beginning of independence. He's not going to be in the safety of our home anymore. Mom doesn't make all of the decisions and she surely doesn't choose what the days will entail. School. Parties. Visits at friends' houses. I can't be there for every moment anymore. Ryan and his peers are entering a new world of freedom. They are not only away from home a lot more, but they are making more choices. They are forming their own personalities and opinions. Their world is changing from pure innocence to one that offers real life challenges and problems. And Ryan is different. He has dwarfism. A condition that for some reason is socially acceptable to mock. And I can't be there anymore. I can't control the places he goes. Or the the way interactions go. I can't correct the things people say or repair Ryan's self esteem when he hears hurtful words. I can't control it anymore. And it scares the heck out me.
I'm looking at him in his bed and he looks so peaceful. He's safe and happy. I wish for him to never have to leave. But I know that isn't possible. And it's not fair either. He's truly an awesome kid. He lights up a room when he walks in. His friends love him dearly and don't bother to notice that he is small. But when they do see his size, they embrace him. They help him reach things. They wait for him to reach the destination. They celebrate him. They don't see a joke or a person to mock. They see their friend. They see Ryan.
And though I am afraid of the world Ryan is entering, he has already shown me his ability to manage on his own. He made his friends. He works tirelessly to keep up physically and socially. He's fast. And loud. And always making his friends laugh with him. He is respectful to teachers and adults. He's a good kid and he's going places. I'm proud of him. Over the years we worked hard on this. Since of course I've always known this day would come. But it's crazy to see that baby turn into a big kid. No more little boy cheeks. No more tiny sweet smelling feet. It's time for body wash and deodorant!
So now I have to learn to sit back and hope that my lengthy and nagging pep talks have really sunk in. And stuck. So he can take on what the world brings ... and go about his life how he pleases - with his friends, school and activities. The challenges that are headed his way will hopefully be minor bumps without bruises. But no matter how tough the world is, he knows that I'll always be there for him.
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